You Have Been Warned

Robert Jr has been really stressed out about the end of the world so he went to a psychic to get his paw read in order to discover his fate. According to Robert Jr, the psychic foretold that, yes, indeed the Mayan prophecy was correct, but, more importantly, incomplete. The destruction of the world as we know it is upon us, but from the ashes a god-like figure will emerge and rule in absolute power and subjugate all humans. He will be known by his too tiny head and abundant fat rolls. His reign will be eternal and cruel. He will judge all humans with an iron paw and effortlessly bend them to his will. All those who remain will be required to offer up fancy feast and a blood offering as tribute or face total annihilation.

If there was ever a time to get on Robert Jr's good side, it's now.

RIP GG

Robert Jr sheds a single tear for the end of Gossip Girl. This is the worst Christmas present that either of us could have ever imagined. Someone save us from this cruel, cruel world.

The Things I Endure For Ice Cream

I asked Robert Jr if he would run out and buy me some ice cream. He looked straight into my eyes, nay, my soul, for a good long while. Then he started spinning around, slowly at first, then faster and faster until he was just a majestic frantic blur of fur and fat rolls. Finally, I caved and told him he needs to develop a more succinct way of telling people to frig off.

OkKitty

Sometimes Robert Jr goes under my bed for extended periods of time. I had assumed he was rejuvenating as part of his anti aging regimen but turns out he has been doing internet dating! The part that hurt the most was that he felt like he couldn't tell me. I guess he is just at that age. He asked me to start calling him by his screen name, "RobertJrMeow", but I said no. He told me to go frig and slammed my own bedroom door in my face.

Ramsay's Pet

Robert Jr keeps trailing behind me saying "REEK! REEK! My name is Reek, It rhymes with freak". It's like, dagum Robert Jr, you are such a friggin nerd!


A beautiful, beautiful nerd.

Also Known As Wednesday.

I told Robert Jr today was 12/12/12 and he said, and this is a direct quote, "I could not give any less of a frig". Then he looked at me with the most intense judgey eyes, filled his wine glass, and played the next episode of Girls.

1% Chance

I'm going fly fishing tomorrow. Maybe if I can learn how to catch fish, Robert Jr and I will have a better chance surviving the zombie apocalypse.

Robert Jr's Christmas Wish List:

Science!? Blasphemy, More Like!

Dear Robert Jr,

I miss you terribly. Sometimes I feel like I can't go on anymore. I think about you all the time. I've taken to carrying around a paperback copy of The Hobbit but it's no use. Even clutching to this enchanting tale doesn't fill the hole you left in my all but withered up heart. When I looked out at the full moon and saw that Jupiter was sparkling next to it I knew that it was us. I don't care what science says. It means we will be together forever because we are immortal!

Friggggggg,
Eliza

It's About Friggin Time

Finally heard from Robert Jr. I'm gone for one frigging day and he's already got himself into a horrific situation.

The Thanksgiving Frig

Robert Jr and I are spending 3 weeks apart because of stupid friggin Thanksgiving. I invited him to come home with me but he said The South cramps his style (he has only been in Brooklyn for a little over a month and he is already such a self-important, pretentious little snob). I flew out of NYC yesterday and cried the whole way to North Carolina. I am now referring to this journey as The Trail of Tears. I have been calling Robert Jr all day and he isn't answering his phone (probably because he is too depressed/drunk). I don't even know what he is doing right now. Is he eating food? Is he drinking wine? Is he playing with his little mouse? Is he snapping a rubber band in his face over and over? I can't live with all these unanswered questions. I have never been more depressed in all my days. No one's life is worse than mine right now. ABSOLUTELY NO ONE'S!

Robert Jr, if you are reading this right now, please, find your inner strength and call me back! You promised you would call me every day! We need to stick together, now, more than ever.

Note: Robert Jr and I are both on suicide watch.

Divine Intervention

Woke up Saturday morning a little............. disoriented.............. and, after some time, I realized that this was mysteriously crumpled up in my shirt. The details of its origins are fuzzy at best but Robert Jr and I both agree this is a miracle.

http://cashcats.biz/

Here is Robert Jr with our combined life savings.

The Day God Turned His Back On Us

Lil Bub, Robert Jr's (and my) celebrity crush, is coming to New York City the day after I leave for Thanksgiving. When I told Robert Jr we wouldn't be able to meet her he tore his garments, put on sackcloth with ashes, and went out into the midst of Brooklyn, and wailed loudly and bitterly.

Meanwhile, I was doing the same thing. 

Robert Jr Always Gets His Way (UPDATED)

After much plotting and planning, Robert Jr finally convinced me to spend the day watching Animal Hoarders so we can judge the frig out of those mangy cats and feel better about ourselves.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*UPDATE*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

This was literally the worst idea Robert Jr has ever had. I can not believe I let him talk me into this. I want to friggin puke. We both learned a valuable lesson this day. If you need a self esteem boost watch Real Housewives not Animal Hoarders.

Robert Jr and Frannnnnnz! Part 3

 

This is a video from when Robert Jr used to be a gun. Don't worry, his friend, Drew, is a cop and knows how to handle a weapon of this magnitude safely.

Oh no he didn't!?

Robert Jr just ripped a hole in my new sweater.


Real mature, Robert Jr.

REALLY. FRIGGIN. MATURE.

Movie Review #1

Title: The Three Lives of Thomasina
Released: 1964
Plot: Cats

Robert Jr- WTFrig, ELIZA! You told me cats couldn't go outside! You are both a liar and a villain! I'm going into a different room and I don't want you to come after me!
1 Paw Up

Eliza- Thank you, Ashley, for suggesting this movie. What a splendid story! I definitely recommend this innovative film for all cat enthusiast, indoor/outdoor cats, and outdoor cats! This film may be inappropriate for young indoor only kittens if you haven't had the talk with them yet.
3 Paws Up

Final Score: 4 Paws out of an undetermined amount of paws!

Plz

Don't run away from me Robert Jr! We're dancinggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!

The Plot Thickens

Robert Jr got a twitter account, https://twitter.com/TheUltimateFrig. He said he was doing it to make me proud but something about his tiny head and fat body makes it hard to believe he isn't hiding something.....

Live Long And Prosper

Don't mope around, Robert Jr. It's not like I called you a redshirt or anything. You just aren't a Mr. Spock.....

But you are kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind of, definitely, 100% a total James T. Kirk.

Robert Jr and Frannnnnnz! Part 2

Bennett is just one of those guys with a song in his heart and a kitten in his pocket! If he could have his way, I'm sure Bennett would mandate that there be a little baby Robert Jr in every pocket throughout the world!

Product Review #1

From: Forever 21
Color: Gray with White Cats
Cost: 2 ten spots and a couple of one spots

Eliza- This sweater is comfortable and makes me feel like I'm a kitten magnet . I Love it!
2 Paws Up

Robert Jr- It kind of makes you look like a wannabe but whatever.
1 Paw Up

Guest Judge Sarah Hudson- 2.5 paws up for the angelic glow it brings to your face!

Final Score: 5.5 Paws out of an undetermined amount of paws! 

For His Keen Use Of Intellect, I Award 50 Points To Hufflepuff

Robert Jr- "Eliza, I'm so thirsty."

Eliza- "I know. I'm thirsty too Robert Jr, but it's too early in the day to start drinking red wine."

Robert Jr- ".... or is it?!"

Eliza- "Excellent point, Robert Jr!!!"

One: The Smallest Whole Number

I have a very limited understanding of math but I'm pretty sure that one is the smallest whole number. So, this is a open letter to Robert Jr--

Dear Robert Jr,

I have had one -- ONE -- bottle of wine tonight. Get that judgey look off your friggin face. You have no idea how hard it is to be a parent and if I like to have ONE bottle of wine a night it's not a big deal. So take your friggin squinty eyes and direct them towards the lay-about rat that hangs out under the sink or get a job and find a new place to live.

Best,
Eliza

Robert Jr's New Attitude...

is that of a crack head that got a hold of the wrong stuff.

Oh great. Let me guess. Robert Jr is either a crackhead, a leprechaun, or a complete figment of my imagination. 

The Latest Gossip (and yes, it's juicy!)

So last night, I get home from an outing and as soon as I cross the threshold I get a glass full of cheap red wine sloshed in my friggin face. Through the shock I see Robert Jr with a surly look on his face and an empty wine glass in his paw. All he had said was "You're so stoopid". Then, I had been all "No, you're so stoopid". Then, what he had said was "NO, you're so stoopid". And just like that he walked away without so much as a second glance.

This is the biggest fight we have ever had. I really wasn't sure if our bond could withstand such trials and tribulations. Robert Jr didn't talk to me the rest of the night and I went to bed feeling really friggin depressed. Some time later, in the dead of night, I opened my eyes to find Robert Jr sitting on my chest. Without a single word from either of us, we simultaneously slow blinked at each other. It was at that point I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that nothing could tear us apart. 

Mere Moments Later

Shortly after Robert Jr rubbed his asshole on my phone, he was spotted looking off into the distance with a twinkle in his eye.

Jesus Frig

Robert Jr just wiped his poopy asshole with my iPhone.

Well played, Robert Jr. Well played.

Robert Jr and Frannnnnnz! Part 1

After a long game of cat and mouse, Alexandre finally told Robert Jr that he would never get the promotion.

Totally!

Hey, Robert Jr, why don't you sleep all day? AM I RIGHT?!

How do you measure, measure a year?

525,600 KITTENS!

Belly Side Up

This is Robert Jr as a kitten. The only thing that has changed is his fat apron.... which has quadrupled in size.

Sorting Hat Fail

I just realized that Robert Jr is a total Hufflepuff....

My life couldn't be any worse right now.

Hermit

I had a dream that Robert Jr accompanied me to a party. He was the toast of the town and a perfect gentleman! When I woke up I realized that Robert Jr doesn't get out enough.

Dayum

Robert Jr just bit my arm one hundred times and then winked at me. What kind of sick mind game is this!?!?

 I just can't believe he would do me like that...

Either/Or

Today I'll either watch Robert Jr chase a fly or draw whiskers on my face and watch Harry Potter 1-7. Meanwhile, the rest of the world can go frig!