Piss-Poor

Robert Jr has become a friggin bully. He thinks that just because he is turning 1 soon he can do as he pleases. I told Robert Jr that if he didn't have an attitude adjustment I would cancel his birthday party on Saturday faster than he can say Quidditch! I mean it, I'm sick of his rotten, piss-poor attitude. He just thinks he knows everything and is too good for everyone and he shouldn't be reduce to common curtesy. I hate to say it, but Robert Jr has gotten waaaaaay too big for his britches (literally and figuratively). I've given him a curfew, stopped his subscription to "Cat Fancy" magazine, and limited his internet browsing time. I'm at my wit's end and I just don't know what to do. No one told be being a parent would be this hard.

You Are All Going To Die

If you have ever wondered what it is like to look into the face of death, here is your chance.

Meowlevolence

I'm pretty sure I just washed my face with lotion. That would explain why Robert Jr was chortling the whole time. He thinks he is sooooo friggin clever. Well, we shall see who gets the last laugh when Robert Jr wants to play with his little mouse toy and it's always just out of reach.

Battlestar Galooptica

I finally know who all the Cylons are! I had to make sure because Robert Jr has been moving his tail very mechanically and I couldn't take any friggin/frackin chances! When you reeeeeeeeeeally think about it, 60+ hours of my life is a small price to pay...

Also, Robert Jr has developed a crush on Gaius Baltar and I've had just about all I can take of his gushing and blushing.

You Have Been Warned

Robert Jr has been really stressed out about the end of the world so he went to a psychic to get his paw read in order to discover his fate. According to Robert Jr, the psychic foretold that, yes, indeed the Mayan prophecy was correct, but, more importantly, incomplete. The destruction of the world as we know it is upon us, but from the ashes a god-like figure will emerge and rule in absolute power and subjugate all humans. He will be known by his too tiny head and abundant fat rolls. His reign will be eternal and cruel. He will judge all humans with an iron paw and effortlessly bend them to his will. All those who remain will be required to offer up fancy feast and a blood offering as tribute or face total annihilation.

If there was ever a time to get on Robert Jr's good side, it's now.

RIP GG

Robert Jr sheds a single tear for the end of Gossip Girl. This is the worst Christmas present that either of us could have ever imagined. Someone save us from this cruel, cruel world.

The Things I Endure For Ice Cream

I asked Robert Jr if he would run out and buy me some ice cream. He looked straight into my eyes, nay, my soul, for a good long while. Then he started spinning around, slowly at first, then faster and faster until he was just a majestic frantic blur of fur and fat rolls. Finally, I caved and told him he needs to develop a more succinct way of telling people to frig off.